Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Week 18 Day 3

Pain is horrible. Pain is awful. When can pain just go away? I went to get 2 MRI's to see if there is any form of surgical option. RSD is the suckiest of suck and I just wish I could just be normal. To be able to act again would be my biggest dream. Right now the thing I keep telling myself is just make it through the day, you can do it Christa, I know you are in pain but it could be worse. Well today was the worst of them all! This is a tough thing for an almost 21 year old to go through. Living my life from one set of pain pills to another. Always looking at the clock counting 6 hours from the last time I took them. It almost feels stupid. I feel very alone, it helps that my mom takes me out places, yet it is a very very lonely world. I am getting a reward soon. I have been seeing this guy named Josh that I met at my old college. He has been there for me, even though I have been half out of my mind. He is coming to visit me this weekend. He is working so hard to make up the time so he can come to visit me. It gives me relief to know that he is going to come to visit me. To be able to hug someone who is not my family. Someone who cares for me so much that he is working himself to the bone to come visit me.
The MRI I had today was awful! I think well I hope that I never have to feel that kind of pain again. I was seeing stars. Right now it is over 2 hours since I came home and I am still in major pain, I have even taken my pills. I am due to take my lidocain, a new little diddy that my pain doctor gave me. It makes my skin numb but it still doesn't stop all the pain. I am just excited for this weekend! Anyway I gotta go pass out now and maybe watch some TV, and eat Gummi Frogs!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Week 17

As of 9:45 am 7-14-08 it will mark 17 weeks that I have been hurt. It is offical the RSD is effecting my bone in my ankle/foot/ leg region. I have yet to see any money from anyone. Bill collectors are almost at my door and I am beyond scared. Not only because of that but because of the quality of life I will have. I most likely will have RSD for the rest of my life. My new orthopedic surgeon is getting me 2 more MRI's, he thinks that their may be a chance of surgery. I would love that because that means I could maybe become better again. My finacial situation i not very good. I have a broken wheelchair and my mental health is dwindling as people keep telling me I don't have a prayer. I am sick of that, that more and more people don't just help me get control of my life again. I desperately need a wheelchair that works. It is hard for me to crutch long distances. At this point I am prayin for someone to bless me. Anyway I am out, I need to force myself to sleep.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Innocent for Years

I have been so untouched by problems.
I did have PTC ( in middle school but really that is something I have dealt with and live with to this day with very little problem. This whole RSD thing has really thrown me. I just feel so alone in how I feel. My pain is getting worse and my ankle is swelling up like a balloon, no joke! It scares me and I don not know if I can live the rest of my life not being able to be normal. I really am getting hard on myself because I feel like jello and I am literally becoming it. I don't like feeling sorry for myself but I can't help but be because of what happens to me. I have had 2 things in my life that people never heard of and also people rarely get. I feel like I am this homing beacon to rare diseases. What will I get now? LOL Seriously I just am tired of the pain of the not being able to sleep....of the not being able to go to friends' weddings,
Anyway I got to get out of here!

Friday, July 4, 2008

So my 4th was kind of anti-climaxtic. I went to a place called Der Dutchman and had lunch with the folks and my grandmother. It was fun and my mom bought me a new purse.....VERA BRADLEY!!! It was on sale but idk if she was really telling the truth or not lol....anyway it was fun just being able to hang with my fam on the 4th. My leg really hurt me today but I was determined to get out of this boot so bout dinner time today, mom and I ran (crutched) around town lookin for some sort of shoe that i could wear that wouldn't bother my RSD too much. We went to Wally World (Walmart), Nordstom, thought bout going to Macy's but ended up at Dick's Sporting Goods. I hopped back to the proper section and plopped down and started pointin' out shoes to my mom....i looked at mostly the adias sandles. You know the ones with the singluar strap in the front. I also tried on a number of different types of Crocs. I found some that were interesting but weren't quite right. It was fun pointing out the shoes but my poor mother hated it. I am so sorry that I am putting such a burden on her. I can't do hardly anything anymore. Can I please go back to being self supporting again? Anywho enough sidetracks, I ended up getting the Adias I can't really walk without my crutches so it is hard.....I am probably going to stick to the boot for a majority of the time when I am walking. After that we went home and sat down and watched my FAVORITE SHOW---------> Randy Jackson's America's Best Dance Crew 2. OMgoodness my favorite crew has to be Fanny Pack hands down they have good ideas and they are so on target. I also like a couple of the other groups like Supreme Soul and A.S.S.I.D both which have shown they are more then just competitors they are contenders. It has become one of my guilty pleasures the last couple weeks.
Another thing that has happened since I last wrote on here.....the guy I am seeing and I are talking again. He is one of my best friends hands down, I love him so much and I hope to see him soon. To hug him tight and not let him go.
I actually got to see fireworks today!!! I was going to go to my town's fireworks but my foot hurt too much and I was afraid to go because of the walking. But instead I stayed home kind of sorry for myself. Well I was on my comp talking to a friend and all the sudden --BANG BANG BANG BANG i jumped up on my good leg and hopped to the window in my mom's room and out across the way above the trees behind our house was the fireworks I so longed to see. I haven't been home for 6 years for the 4Th so being able to feel the trill of having fire and the works so close to you is great! I ended up sitting in my moms chair with my phone out taping it all.

I pray that no matter what you do you don't regret it. Live your life so that when your old and your grand kids sit before you and ask you if your life had any regrets you will be able to say "No child, I don't regret a day."
Have a safe holiday and hug a loved one today!
Hugs and Kisses!
Kissa Fisha
aka Christa

Thursday, July 3, 2008

I have RSD....What is RSD or also know as CPRS?
According to ~>
Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), also known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, is a chronic neurological syndrome characterized by:
severe burning pain
pathological changes in bone and skin
excessive sweating
tissue swelling
extreme sensitivity to touch
As of this Monday it was week 14.
So pretty much life has been horrible. I am trying my hardest to keep my head up.
I go to a new orthopedic surgeon on Wednesday and we are hoping that he will tell us something different. I am seeing one of the best pain docs in the country also but it just seems to not be going fast enough. All my life I worked so hard to be normal. I fought through my PTC (Psedo Tumor Cerbri) when I was in 7th grade. Haven't I had enough of illnesses and crapola in my life. One thing I do want to do is to try to not complain too awful much on here. Life with RSD going on the 15th week may be hard, but I must remember that life is still worth living. I am going to work hard to show females that your life is not over once you get RSD. I am 20 going on 21 in 4 and a half months now. I am trying to be as normal as y body allows me to be.
I started Physical Therpy a couple weeks ago and my trainer er....person thingy is a woot. Her name is Jenn, then there is Lindy also who I have a blast with. They have been challenging me to do more and more. I am still stuck in the boot that I started in because I can't walk without pain and I can't control my muscles hardly at all. All I have been wanting is to get rid of this old stinky boot. Life with RSD is not fun. One thing I would like to do is meet someone that also has RSD and pick their brain for a bit. How in the world can you get through a day without dying from the pain. Do they recommend Sympathic Nerve Blocks or Nerve Cauterazation. I am going to be truthful I do not want to hurt the rest of my life. It scares the willies, the hebbie jeebies, and he crap staight out of me. Who wouldn't the pain feels like ur foot turned into a little pregnate woman trying to give birth while being set on fire. Scary to think but that is life. I am tryin' to celebrate the small things.

Well this is my Life for may be rough...but hey atleast I am alive!

Kissa da Fighting Fish
aka Christa