Kissa da Fighting Fish

A good friend of mine sent this to me on a really horrid day this week. I sat there at cried through the whole thing. It hit me in places that I never knew I had. I am a wide eyed naive child in the eyes of the world. I tend to trust people a lot more than I should I try to open my hands and open my heart and let everyone in that I can fit. Then wonder why I get hurt so often. This tends to make me pull back into myself. Pull inside and brood and grump. Lately I have been like this. Just pulling inside not allowing anyone in, sometimes not even my husband. Just complaining and allowing whatever is going on eat at me. Why ruin the wonderful person I am? Why ruin the outlook I have? Why not allow the pain of life and everything else to teach me instead of hurting me. I collapse into this continual circle of self doubt, and self pity. Thinking that I am this horrible screw up and that my life doesn't make a difference. The problem with this thinking is who does this hurt? Not only myself...but each and every person that I touch.
I have to stop trying to muddle through only giving 50%.....I need to focus on how to make my 100% healthier and more productive and help make my world and those around me better.

I am continually reminded how very important is. A couple weeks ago I stopped talking to some of the people I lean on most. Not because I didn't care about them it was because I became too busy. This is where I went wrong. I forget when I get busy that I still need support as well. Support is like air for those of us who have been through traumatic diseases/situations like RSD/CRPS. The longer I wasn't near my support the more and more I became bitter and began to mope. I even went as far as to start assuming things about the very people who supported me the most. Moral of the story. Stick to getting support!