Kissa da Fighting Fish

I went with my mom and some friends to go see Fame with is a remake of the 1980 film. I love the original! Seriously with all my heart it was my theme song growing up. I sang at the top of my lungs to my soundtrack till I was hoarse.

"Remember my name
Fame

I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
High

I feel it coming together
People will see me and cry
Fame

I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame
Fame

I'm gonna live forever
Baby remember my name "

I was going to be a star, I was going to be somebody someday that was my dream. I could feel the applause and every time I got onstage even just for small parts I felt like it was my home. I was a natural.

So naturally I tried out for Performing Arts (PA) as soon as I could. I remember I did a poem turned monologue from the Book "Falling Up." It was the one 'I cannot go to school today." I was so proud when I got my acceptance letter for the next year. This was going to be the first step before I knew it I would be out of Ohio and being someone finally.

I went through PA and it was a blast. Hard, yes and for many a month I wanted to bash my brains in trying to juggle both regular school and PA. Finally it came to my Senior year and I had to start looking into Colleges. It was a no brainer what I was going to major in. I auditioned at H.U. and I got accepted, and to put the cherry on top as a freshman I got asked to be apart of the traveling show, Shakeperience. I was so honored. I couldn't believe my luck.

College was so much harder to juggle with theatre and a regular course load. I finally burned out halfway through my Sophomore year, and defected back home to get my grades up and go to Otterbein and work on my BFA. I took a semester off to help my family with my grandmother and get my life in order to raise my grades to O.C.'s standards.

On April 7th,2008 while working and trying to earn up some money to go back to school in the summer I got in an accident while taking out the trash and the trash cart ran into the back of my left leg causing damage. I ended up finding out months later that this seemingly simple accident cause me to get and incurable chronic pain and nerve disease called RSD (Reflex Sympathic Dystrophy.)

It has been a year and a half since this all happened, and I am being told over and over that I have no hope of ever living the life I dreamed.

While we were watching the movie, one of the main characters in the remake was singing by herself on a stage. My mom said, "Wow, now that girl has Talent."

It struck a cord in me and caused me to cry. I kept wondering why couldn't that be me up there, pouring my heart out into that song. Why did I have to get hurt and get RSD and be disabled for the rest of my life? It wasn't fair!

I was and still am talented, or so I am told, yet I have to face facts that my body no longer can take the strain of dancing, or running around doing the dramatic things I did in the past.

Does that make me a failure, or unsuccessful?

At the end of the movie one of the characters gave this monologue about success and although I cannot find it word for word I will summarize it.

She pretty much said that Success is not being famous, rich or popular. Success is being able to do what you love and what makes you happy. Success is waking up each morning excited for what the day is going to bring because of the passion that you have for what you do.

You don't have to be a famous actor or famous anything. Just be you! Touch those around you. If you try touching those that you care and love, then your name will live on forever. Your name will live on in every kind word said, in every charitable deed, in a innocent smile to a stranger to brighten their day.

Matthew 5:12 (KJV) "Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great [is] your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you."

It isn't about being rewarded here on earth. Praise God and let him have the glory. Do these good things in His name but do not brag or bring the attention on yourself. If we allow Him who created the Universe to get the Glory we are humbling ourselves before Him. Our greatest reward will be joining Him in Heaven for forever!

"I'm gonna make it to heaven
My sins disappeared in the flame
Flame

I'm gonna live forever
God I'll follow Your Name"