Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Kissa is Back!

As I said before I started back to work in early November and it has been really tough.
I love a lot of the people I work with, but dealing with my pain level while trying to finish my work has become a huge struggle. I am sometimes such a spoiled brat when it comes to working. I don't want to do anything, but I am slowly growing up and realizing that life doesn't work like that.
Life before RSD doesn't groom you for the fact in the future everything will be so much harder. There will be days that you don't want to get out of bed and face the world. There will be days that you hate your body and all you want to do is disassociate yourself with it.
I have been there and still struggle with it.
I cannot tell you how much I took my life for granted. Simple things like walking into the kitchen turns into a 10 step laborious process in which I have to decide is it worth it to do this.
There are days at work that I will decide whether or not going on break is a good idea because I would have to schlep all the way to the break room. So I have to plan ahead for these things.
I wish I could teach people who do not have a chronic illness or condition to slow down and really enjoy life. Stop taking it for granted like I once did. This time and your health is fleeting. It can be gone tomorrow!
I never thought I would have RSD, but I do.
I never thought I would be married, especially after the diagnosis, but I am to a man I could never asked for any better. Who loves me and takes care of me, and pushes me to try to be better each and everyday.
God has blessed me!
You are probably wondering, "Well Kissa, What about all you have lost? Aren't You angry that you got RSD? Isn't it Unfair?"

Yes it is unfair, but such is life. I was very very angry after I got RSD. I took it out on everyone and anyone who got near me.
I soon learned that this doesn't help anyone and it was hurting me more then I realized. It forced me to be alone, and hurt my soul. I then chose to turn this horrid thing that happened to me and turn it around and make it a positive.
I met people who had RSD and I started building a new life, one that I was proud of, that if anyone would ask "What is your life like?" I could tell them that my life is one of happiness, sadness, triumph, and love. The last, Love, being one of the most important. Not only do I LOVE my husband, I now LOVE myself. Which I don't believe I did before getting RSD. I had a long long time to mull over myself and really search inside. I wish everyone was given that opportunity. I think a lot of problems in society are caused because people are trying to figure others out when in truth they have no clue who they truly are. I bet if the typical person who hadn't gotten in tuned to who they are was left alone on a deserted island with all the necessities of life. They would still wish they had someone to share it with. This isn't bad, but to not want to spend some time getting to know yourself, becomes a problem that snowballs into a large number of social and psychological problems in the long run.
Well I must sign off for the night and sleep. Work comes faster and faster with each sleep.
Low pain hugs!

1 Comment:

  1. Hughey Mews said...
    Love you Christa. I am praying.

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